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April 19, 2011


Bicycles are awesome. I'm sure most people who know me in real life know of my love for the bicycle. As soon as the weather gets nice enough, I hop on my green Devinci and off we go. I have my water bottle& my iPod and usually I'm gone for about 2 hours. In those 2 hours, I'll cover 50 - 60km. Sometimes I'll go for longer .. there's just something so nice about being on my bike and not having to deal with anyone. Except when I get almost get killed.

I am a good bike rider. I ride on the shoulder on the correct side. I go with traffic. All I ask is that you don't kill me while I'm trying to do something I love. Just pull out& pass me wide or slow down to 25 - 30km ("OH MY GOD. SLOW DOWN? I'M IN MY CAR. BITCH PLEASE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP ENJOYING THE DAY." I think this is how most people feel when I suggest this) and wait until you can pass without going to jail for attempted murder. I don't think the judge will care when you mention it would have slowed you down for 3 seconds.

I figured it was time for this post since the sun is starting to shine& in some places, it's already bike riding weather. That makes me sad. In Cape Breton ... I'd be biking in mittens& a face mask.
When it does warm up, however, I would enjoy if drivers everywhere took a moment out of their day and realized that we, as bikers, don't want to be on the road fighting with cars anymore than the car wants us there. Until there are bike roads for us, though, we're there. So suck it up, jackass. Seriously. Get over it. I actually have the right of way on my bike ..the only reason I'm letting you go before me? I'm concerned if you're stuck behind me you'll run me over just to speed up.

Along similar lines to staying alive -crude comments. Please, keep them to yourself. There is no need to yell 'Nice ass' while I'm biking down the road and you pass me in your car. How crass. My ass may be a work of art, but we don't yell at works of art. Think of museums. We admire quietly& from a distance. This is how I'd like you treat me while I'm on my bike. Oh, and people who feel the need to yell things like 'Go a little faster' ..would you like to bike my 55km route? I'd like to see you go up some of the hills I do. Maybe then you'd have a nice ass too. As far as I can tell have a fat ass. Cape Breton, get up off your asses and do some physical exercise.

It'll give you a nice ass yourself, so you'll be less inclined to word vomit about them. It'll give you a release for all your anger, instead of killing the people biking. It's also good for your health.
Moral of the story? Don't kill me .. don't scream at me. Look, bikes and cars CAN peacefully coexist.

To help you coexist with your local bicycle-riding friends, here are some tips I've compiled:

1. If you drive an 18-wheeler, be super cautious. The wind from that can tip me under your wheels. At which point, a helmet won't do much.
2. If you're texting and almost careen into me'll get a fine for texting while driving AND be in jail for murder. That sucks.
3. Same with talking on the phone.
4. If your baby is crying in the backseat, please pull over before attending to him/ her.
5. If you're in too much of a rush to be bothered slowing down to avoid killing me, leave earlier.

Thanks, folks.

1 comment:

Brittany said...

The bike lanes here are SO tiny but the bikers don't bother me. The pedestrians do - they are CRAZY. Standing in the suicide lane and darting across 4 and 5 lanes of traffic. NUTS