"Dear Pup,

I love you. But I might have to kill you& for that I apologize in advance.
Sincerely, 
Your momma."

My dog is SERIOUSLY going to drive me mentally insane if he doesn't stop. I know he's old& needy but come on. He sits near me& whines, whines, whines. When I pick him up to sit in my lap? He jumps down to whine again. When I try to take him out to pee? He hides under the table. I don't know what to do with him. I've tried everything. He's gone for walks until he was so tired he was whining laying down. He has food. He has water. He has a comfy blanket. I just don't get it.

I thought he might be sore. I gave him his medicine. I thought he might be cranky he wasn't getting ice in his water (..I know, I know. Spoiled). I gave him ice. I gave him everything. He is still whining. The only time he stops is when I, very angrily, tell him to go to lay down in his bed. I don't want to be angry at him but oh. my. god. Is there some solution for this? I don't understand. Is he senile& not realizing how completely frustrating this is for me?! I want to cry from this incessant whining.

This probably means I'm not ready to birth& raise a child. If my dog is making me crack ..I can only imagine what something super needy would do to me. I'm sure I'd be running away, screaming& crying while leaving the child with the baby daddy. Ugh. I do still love him though ..especially when he curls up beside me in my bed& rests his little head in the crook of my arm. My heart melts. He also doesn't whine then so that is also a major perk.

Yes. This was mostly a major vent about how my dog is slowly driving me to the edge of insanity (no, not the workout). I'm trying everything I can think of but, sadly, I am not a dog whisperer so I keep falling flat. I just don't understand. Does anyone else have this problem with their animal? Or is this just failure on my part to be a good mom to a senior citizen dog? Or is this an aging dog thing? Do they get whinier / needier as they age? I'm so confused. I'm so frustrated. I feel guilty for wanting to sell him on Kijiji ..so maybe I'll try the blog first. I present to you- the sale ad for my dog.

Anyone want a little 5.5lb, ancient dog? He sheds. He's cranky. He can't be left alone with kids. He has bundles of energy. He doesn't play well with others. He whines a lot. He walks funny& has a hole in his head. You can't clip his nails/ groom him if you like your fingers. Bathing a 5 ton elephant would create less mess than bathing him. He is spoiled rotten. He likes his water with ice in it. He likes to lay in the sunshine. For 10 minutes. Then come back in. For 5 minutes. Then go back to the sunshine. Repeat endlessly in the summer months. He's cute. He is well-trained but probably won't listen to you regardless. He won't die. So you'll probably be stuck with him for a long time.

 So, any takers? I'll include a photo so you can see, if nothing else, he certainly has good looks on his side. He's like George Clooney. He gets more handsome with age ;D

LEM | Simplicity

Check out the entries!

Anonymous blogging

When I'm trying to think of a topic to blog about, a situation that happened to me in real life is usually one of my first thoughts. It's at moments like that that I wish I had of made the decision to blog anonymously. Especially if the situation that comes to mind was less than flattering. I wonder, would that person ever even read my blog? What if they stumbled on it and got upset? I would, of course, leave out personal details to minimize the damage. Mostly because my posts would tend to be sarcastic& mean, which would make people not want to be my friend anymore.

Hilarious side note -can you spot all 3 of me in this photo?!

Not that people don't know that I'm sort of mean ..just, for some reason they still like me& I think that would change if I was putting my true thoughts down on the internet LOL. You'd lose all my facial expressions& inflections of voice that keep me from being taken in too harsh a way!

Aside from the the awesome fact of blogging without anyone having any idea who I am, I could have also had an awesome blog name. Like 'Girl behind the Curl' or something. I don't know .. it would be sweet is the moral of the story.

Oh well. I am not an anonymous blogger& so my posts will remain mediocre. One the bright side, I can post photos of myself, boyfriend& dog. Which means you don't have to miss gems like this:

People who blog: why did you choose to blog either way? Did you put thought into it before starting your blog? Let a girl in on the secret life of anonymous blogging. Is it as exciting as I imagine?!

PS -Like the new layout? I'm actually getting to be pretty handy with good old photoshop :)

Friday evenings..

..are best spent at my job? No, wait. That doesn't sound right. Let me try again:
Friday nights are best spent looking through Vogue, Shape& In Style. Along with dealing with increasingly strange customers. Yeah. Still not sounding like the best way to have spent this evening, although perhaps was the best way to earn a paycheck. At the very least, it provides me with the desire to have style, to cut off all my hair (or have it grow long miraculously fast) and choke some people off.

I will start with the strange, strange man who called my store tonight. Affectionately known as Creepy. So, I'm leaving the store at the end of the month ..somehow Creepy finds this information out. He calls my store and this is our conversation:

Me: *sees caller ID.. groans. Picks up anyway, despite her better judgment*. Cogans.
Creepy: Hello, this is Creepy. I heard you're leaving the store!
Me: Yup.
Creepy: Oh my. Well, that's too bad. Are you going to let me buy you a tea tomorrow? I know I can't buy you a doughnut because you're on that weird diet thing.
Me: Umm .. maybe.
Creepy: You should you know. Are you working in the morning?
Me: *seriously debating lying to him ..but he'll just come in for both shifts anyway* Yeah.
Creepy: Well I'll be there before 3 to make sure I can get you something from Tim Hortons.
Me: Yeah, okay. Bye.

SERIOUSLY. What the hell is wrong with people like this?! Have I not been clear enough that I do not want anything that you can do for me? Take a hint. Please. It is times like these that I'm so excited to be done there. Then I remember the strange world that awaits me outside the convenience store bubble. This brings me great sorrow.

So, aside from Creepy calling the store, my shift was fairly uneventful. The regular strange customers .. lots of people who wanted Lotto Max tickets but couldn't figure out how to order them .. men who were inappropriate .. women who tried to get more free pulltabs than they had earned .. then one guy who won $100 and gave me $10! Thanks, your generosity was super appreciated. I will be spending it on something I don't need, like nail polish.

What I wish I had gotten? Enough money to buy all the amazing clothes I keep seeing in magazines. FINALLY things I like are in:
1. Skinny jeans
2. BRIGHT colors

...yeah. That completes my list. It also is basically the only thing I wear, so it's amazing that suddenly the fashion world has decided to make me cool with little to no effort on my part. I just have to purchase them. I'm looking for some cheap cool pieces (oh my god. I'm such a fashionista. Is that even what they are called? ahahah) and I am determined to try harder than 'I put on pants. What more do you want from me, people?!'. I figure I may as well, since I finally like what's considered hip& cool. Mostly the things I want are from Marc Jacobs. I either can't afford what I want (1,295$ raincoat, anyone?) or no stores around here sell what is cheaper. All of this is so sad. Oh well, I suppose I should stop complaining.

Onto the next feature of this blog, which would be what folks?! You should know this by now! In case you don't, I'll remind you; photo of the day! I am doing so good at consistently posting one. Go me. My photo is so cool. Although not as tasty as yesterdays :( It is cuter ..or well, I guess they are cuter. I know, I know. The anticipation is killing you. Without further ado ..

TGIW!

Wednesday's don't get enough love from the world, despite their nickname Hump day! They deserve some more appreciation .. after all, their start symbolizes having survived the first of the week and their end symbolizes 'ALMOST WEEKEND!'. I like them :)
Today I bought a tea from Tim Hortons and guess what?! I forgot to roll up the rim :( I always forget. So frustrating ..not that I would have won anyway. Now, I want a tea that is made correctly (the last one was completely wrong. Still drank it anyway) and poured into a winning cup!

Aside from today being Wednesday& including tea, I had some classes& did a boiler room inspection (ps - CBU has the most immaculately clean boiler room I've ever seen. Okay, so I may have only ever seen this one, but seriously. Could eat off the floors!). It was interesting and afterward we celebrated completing it by going out for lunch. Any excuse to eat out, right?! Then I came home ..was going to hit up the gym, but it got canceled so I will just do Insanity this evening. I keep saying I'm going to restart it anyway .. today is as good as any!

So, now we have to talk about what is on my mind. Here is what is on my mind: annoying people. Not even casually annoying people. I'm talking people who, in their own minds, are the next greatest thing to ever happen to the earth. I recently showed a video of a singer singing a fabulous song. I still love the song. I loved it so much, I decided to follow her on twitter! Turns out, the vision I had of her in my mind was much better than the real live version of her.

Upon following her, I realized 2 major things:
1. She doesn't understand basic grammar
2. She's really annoying

This was sad for 2 reasons:
1. She obviously didn't write that incredibly clever& catchy song
2. I have to unfollow her

Also, I encouraged her to take her tweeting more grammatically seriously but typing out this gentle reminder:

It was clearly appreciated as I got this reply, in a snarky passive-aggressive I-recognize-your-tweet-but-will-not-direct-my-reply-to-you sort of way!

*Edited to protect singers privacy ..unless you're clever enough to either see the only female singer I've ever posted / can recognize this photo. LOL!

So, the moral of the story? If you are going to be passive-aggressive towards me, I will passive-aggressively blog about you. I will spare no one. It might even become some sort of weekly feature: Yvonne Explores Passive-Aggressive Humans.
Could be a thrilling look into the human psyche.

Until then, I will leave you with some questions:
1. Can you figure out this person?
2. Does passive-aggressive twitter behavior bother you?
3. Did it at least make you laugh?!

Last, but not least, ladies and gentlemen .. I present to you, my photo of the day! Enjoy :)