You're streaming WHAT?!

Today I was informed of something insane. I'm not talking casual use of the word ..I mean certifiably insane. I am going to give you some time to ponder all the possibilities that may make someone certifiably insane! When you have a few ideas, continue reading to see how close your guess was.

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A woman is live streaming her natural home birth all over the internet. Ahhh.. what?! I mean we all know how I feel about publicly showing things that should be private. I am sure, much like breastfeeding, that any kind of birth (natural or otherwise) is a fabulous& wonderful thing. I mean for one, the baby in your belly leaves which seems like sort of a big deal to me. Secondly, weird cravings& hormones start to ease off. That is about my knowledge of post-birthing things that occur, although I'm sure there's lots more. All that being said ..do you think there is ANY reason to show all your goods& intimate moments with that entire world?

I mean, seriously. This is open for discussion. On her website she says she's doing this to show that those images we have of birth (screaming, pain, etc) are wrong. Delivery isn't an emergency& it doesn't have to be painful. Sure, okay. I don't know that pushing 7lbs+ out of your special place can be anything except painful ..but I'll take your word for it. Wait. One better ..I'll sign up for your live streaming. Which I did. Why? I don't know. I probably need a hobby. Or for people to stop telling me about the strange things others do.

I'm actually dying of curiosity to see if her birth is pleasant. I'm sure most moms would say the birth of their babies was amazing but I'm not sure it's something they enjoyed the feeling of ..you know? I'm not a mom, so if any of you can tell me if I'm right or wrong, that would be great! Also what do you think of this? Oh, also I have an honest to god, serious question. A raging new trend is to have your kid in a pool (or tub or anything that holds a lot of water really). How does this not drown the baby?! Do they not breath at first or something? I must be missing an important part of understanding this because ..if the baby breathes water, that's not good. Can someone please fill me in (but spare the graphic details)?!

In my mind this is well beyond that line of what is acceptable to post on the internet. Not all experiences need to be shared with absolutely everyone.

TMI.

My breastfeeding post got a lot of hits. Actually, it got almost 550 page views. Here is some perspective on that:

*Taken April 28th

As you can see, compared to my next highest amount of page views, that is psycho. Also, whenever a breastfeeding site picks up my blog my views skyrocket. It's fabulous even though I know those folks are hatin' on me ..who cares?! I'm getting page views. I win, breastfeeding-photo-taking-facebook-posting-them mothers. I win. Why do I win?

Because I don't care that you think I'm awful for not finding your child attached to your nipple a special moment. I stand firm in that there are LOTS of special moments in life that don't need to be publicly documented.

People have commented that my post is not funny because there are several other items up for overshare awards. I don't get how picking a broad topic& narrowing it down to a specific example makes it less funny? It does, though.

So, in honor of all those photo-taking offended mommas? I am going to create a list of other things that no one cares about except you and an immediate group of friends or family (and honestly? They probably don't care either but are required to be polite. Unlike your facebook world). Buckle your seat belts, ladies& gents. This is gonna get wild.

1. Breastfeeding, obviously.

2. Excessive details / photos of medical procedures.

3. What is coming out of either end of your / your child's body.

4. Sonogram photos. NO ONE CARES.

5. Constant status updates. Not every thought is a gem, junior.

6. How much you drank / what stupid things you did while drinking.

7. Any kind of photo that exposes more skin that is appropriate for the situation.
7A. Bikini at the beach? Socially appropriate.
7B. Bikini at the church? Jesus hates your soul.

People have also commented that I am a huge hypocrite because I dislike oversharing, yet I have a blog. 'HOW CAN THE TWO COEXIST, YOU HORRIBLE HYPOCRITICAL MONSTER?!' is something I'm frequently (aka never) asked.

Allow me to give you some time to consider (if you've been reading my blog regularly) how much you know about me? Feel free to even look back through my posts. It's not very likely you're going to see photos of me dressed inappropriately, talking about gross bodily functions, etc..
So, to you people who are AMAZED that you can write something of substance and not overshare? I present to you -MY BLOG. It's a thing of wonder& amazement. It's sheer genius and you should bow before (aka follow) it. You should praise it in the Osannas (aka tweet it) and bask in the glory of my brilliance.

It's all in the details..

Except for those times when it's not. Today, I was casually reading blogs& avoiding studying for my QPM tomorrow when I came across something interesting. This blog is all about facebook. She is giving it up for 90 days. Day 32 involved a post about breastfeeding& facebook. So, now I will tell you my thoughts on this.

I haven't had facebook since January 1st (aside from 48hrs of reactivation). I have ALWAYS thought people were way too quick to divulge too much information on the internet. Facebook was a convenient way for me to see how much my immediate friends / family / people I barely knew would divulge. Based on their facebook behavior, I deleted / limited my interactions with them accordingly. It's funny ..when I reactivated my account, all kinds of 'friends' popped up who I had totally forgotten about while I didn't have an account. And I only have 120 people on my list.

So, oversharing. What is it exactly? Thankfully, for moments like this, we have Urban Dictionary. They state:

Providing more personal information than is absolutely necessary.

Ahh and how glorious of a skill that is. Some people overshare like it's their job. I don't like those people. So, how does any of this relate to the blogger who gave up her facebook for 90 days? Well. She posted a link to Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! (Official petition to Facebook). Click it and it will take you there. Oh my god. That is a lot of breasts.

Breastfeeding is great if that's what you want to do. So this isn't against that. But seriously. SERIOUSLY. Do people actually think it's supremely important that they are able to upload their photos of children hanging off their teets?! Sweet mother of pearl. Perhaps it's a glorious bonding moment (never being an all-you-can-eat buffet personally, I have no idea), perhaps it's the single most tender moment you share with your infant (or almost 4yr old, in the case of some parents on that group `insert face with strange look here`). I don't really care WHAT kind of awesome significance it has for you.

I have the bladder of a 2yr old. Lots of times, when I finally get to pee, it's a glorious moment for me. It involves rainbows and unicorns. It is so amazing. Seriously. Other people with small bladders MUST know this feeling?! Well. Does that mean people need a photo of me peeing on facebook? Please, please, please. Tell me you know the answer to this question?

NO.

Ahh ..if you answered 'yes', go join that group and stop reading my blog. For life. If you answered 'no', you are correct. There are lots of moments in life that are glorious, amazing, tender and fantastic. Peeing is mine. Having babies drink from boobies is theirs. Either way, it really doesn't need to be on facebook. Let's be real. When I'm peeing, my last thought is 'Gee, I should share this glorious moment in time with my readers! Honey, come here and snap a quick photo, would you?!' This is why I'm confused that so many women have so many photos of themselves in this act. Yes, it's natural. It's even fantastic and healthy for the baby. So is peeing. See? Completely analogous. If it is inappropriate for me to post photos of myself peeing on the internet (and let's make sure we're clear, IT IS), then it is inappropriate for you to post photos of your child drinking from your boob. The only appropriate facebook photo for breastfeeding I have found so far?

No need to drag your boobs onto facebook. Plus, imagine how damaged that child will be in 10yrs when they find those photos of themselves. Now, times that by fifty million when you mention that you had it up on a facebook protest group. Yeah.

If you can't stop oversharing for a random blogger, do it for the children.
Also, for people who came here for more than a rant on breasts& babies, my apologies. My blog will be updated later this evening and it will return to normal. AKA all about me. Thanks for your patience ;)

This was his reaction to being jolted by 120+ volts of electricity. Your child's reaction to millions of people seeing them attached to your breast? Significantly stronger.